Straight from the Heart of a Calcuttan

I found this in an article in the LA Times:

CALCUTTA SEARS the senses. You can almost taste the poverty, the spices in the air, the breathless heat and the swirl of humanity. I once watched bodies being cremated on pyres along the banks of the Hughli River. Then I retired to the Grand Hotel for a splendid lunch. Wondrous, uninviting, unforgettable — the former capital of British India is all those things.
"There is only one city in India," Rudyard Kipling wrote in 1888 in "City of Dreadful Night." "Bombay is too green, too pretty, and too strugglesome; and Madras died ever so long ago. Let us take off our hats to Calcutta, the many-sided, the smoky, the magnificent, as we drive in over the Hughli Bridge in the dawn of a still February morning."

— All said about the city where I have lived over two-thirds of my life. Every bit of it so undeniably true. I close my eyes and muse. I begin strolling down memory lane.

Of Me, My Chrono Level, and the Ichthyogenians

Today is an important day in the history of the universe 'cause it is marked by two major milestones. And what is even more incredible is that these two events occurred at the exact same instant! How do I know? Well, thanks to me and my chrono level. Given that you are from planet Earth, the chances are exactly 99.99999783% that you wouldn't know what that is. Very precisely said, the chrono level is an instrument that measures the difference in the time of occurrence of two independent events to an accuracy of 0.000000001%. This means it is more accurate by eight orders of magnitude than common weather forecast services and by about 6 orders of magnitude than the premonition of an ant about an imminent earthquake. So much for figures. The device looks as plain and unpretentious as a spirit level and offers USB connectivity. All you need is a PC with a broadband internet connection and a licensed version of the Woogle Universe 4.2 software installed on it. Truly revolutionary, right?? And may I now very humbly introduce myself as the inventor of this nifty little gadget.